


lost in the heat of it all

by berrysck



Category: Killing Eve (TV 2018)
Genre: 2x07 spoilers, Canon Divergent, F/F, Masturbation, One Shot, Smut, bisexual hugo, emerald fennell deserves rights sometimes, hugo isn't in the room, i'm trash for them i really am
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-23
Updated: 2019-05-23
Packaged: 2020-03-10 04:12:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18931039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/berrysck/pseuds/berrysck
Summary: She doesn’t know when the girl became so important to her.It’s like watching a snowstorm, Eve thinks. The flakes fall and you don’t realise they’re adding up until you can’t leave your house because the whole place is covered.Villanelle is her snowstorm.





	lost in the heat of it all

**Author's Note:**

> I was about to give Emerald Fennell some rights while I watched the phone sex scene but then Hugo happened and now I'm waiting to give her rights when Villaneve kiss.
> 
> Meanwhile, here's a story where Hugo isn't in the room and Hugeve nEVER HAPPENS.
> 
> Thank you @yotoob for fixing my horrible spelling mistakes, ily.  
> Also thank you @standraoh for being the first one to read and inspire me to finish it.
> 
> The title comes from the song Lost by Frank Ocean.
> 
> -  
> I hope you guys like it!

* * *

 

 

It’s almost midnight when Villanelle finally arrives at her room.

Eve has been listening all day and so has Hugo, who gets up as soon as he listens to a small click that means Villanelle took the microphone out, probably in order to shower.

“Ok, guess that’s a wrap”, he says. “We got the info we needed, you saw your girlfriend and now it’s time for me to have some fun as well”, he goes on, and Eve can’t help but clench her jaw at the word “ _girlfriend_ ”.

“Close your eyes, I’m changing”, Hugo takes his shirt off, and Eve doesn’t know who she wants to murder first: him, for being so annoying and full of himself or Carolyn for practically commanding her to bring him along in the mission that was supposed to be about her and Villanelle only.

“Where are you going?”, she asks, even though she doesn’t really care about what he is or isn’t doing.

“To party. Dance a little, have a couple of drinks, kiss some girls... or boys, if they’re good looking. Maybe I could find myself an Aaron Peel, huh? I could use some new shirts.”

“I didn’t know you were not...”, Eve starts and then stops right after, unsure of how to conclude the phrase.

“Straight? It’s 2019, Eve. No one’s straight”, he speaks as if it’s nothing more than obvious. “Actually, some people are just like spaghetti.”

“Meaning?”, Eve gives him a confused look.

“They’re only straight until they’re wet”, he winks. “Anyways, I’m probably coming back late so don’t wait for me.”

“I have way more important stuff to do than waiting for you, Hugo.”

“Yes, I’m sure your little psychopath will keep you busy. I hope you have fun, see you tomorrow”, he waves goodbye as he leaves the room.

Eve is left alone, sitting in the chair she’s been occupying for the last few hours, her ear piece resting next to her right hand as she stares at the straight lines in the computer. She knows they’re going to move as soon as the microphone detects the faintest sound, and Eve finds herself longing for it.

She grabs a pen and starts pressing it against a piece of paper, the irritating noise being the only one in the room.

It’s _boring_.

She’s bored.

Her mind slowly travels back to Billie’s - well, Villanelle’s - words at how bored she is and Eve wishes she didn’t relate to that as much as she does.

Because, truth be told, she’s been living a lie for a while now and she knows that.

When she got married, those were simpler times. She was younger and didn’t quite have herself figured out. The idea of having a stable relationship with a maths teacher, a steady job and a cute house felt like paradise. But things changed and it became hell, especially when she realised Niko would never, ever get her. He tried to be supportive, she can’t deny that, but his passive-aggressiveness was always there, always a reminder that it didn’t matter how much he tried, he would never understand and accept Eve for what she was.

Which is something she still hadn’t completely brought herself to fully understand either.

She’s just really, _really_ bored.

She doesn’t want to be in this room waiting for her body to finally win the fight against her brain and force her into getting some sleep.

She wants to do something.

She wants Villanelle to do something.

 _Anything_.

Eve stops pressing the pen against the paper and starts pressing it against her own hand instead, the pain being a reminder that she’s still alive. She stares at the computer again and stays like this for what feels like an hour, when suddenly the lines finally start moving and Eve grabs the ear piece as if she was dying and catching it was going to save her life. She puts the small device on her ear and waits.

For what, she’s not sure.

It’s _not_ like she wants to listen to Villanelle’s breathing as she sleeps.

No, not at all. The lines stop moving and Eve stays still, her heart racing in the stupidest way. Maybe Villanelle has fallen asleep. Maybe she thought there was no reason to wear the device in bed.

Maybe-

“ _What are you doing_?”, Villanelle asks softly, her voice a little husky.

Eve’s heart stops.  
  
Is Villanelle talking to Aaron?

No, she’s not. She would never let him spend the night. That’s not how she operates (or at least that’s what Eve tells herself).

Then Eve realises Villanelle has just spoken with her russian accent, and she sighs in relief - something she shouldn’t do because what if he was also listening to her?

It doesn’t matter, Eve thinks. Now right now.

Villanelle sighs as well.

“ _Are you going to listen all night_?”

Eve’s heart is beating again, and it’s even faster than before. She doesn’t know how Villanelle manages to get under her skin so easily, but she does and it’s such a bittersweet feeling.

Villanelle chuckles lightly and Eve can’t move, the only sound in the room being her own breathing mixed with Villanelle’s long sighs.

“ _Are you having fun in Rome?_ ”

“No”, Eve thinks. She’s having everything but fun.

Staying in the same room as Hugo is overwhelming. Eve doesn’t believe he’s a bad person, but he’s annoying and not in a good way. His comments are totally out of line - even though some of his remarks are actually true.

And then there’s the constant worry that the operation will fail. Deep down, Eve’s not really concerned about The Twelve or the weapon or Aaron Peel. She’s concerned about Villanelle.

She doesn’t know when the girl became so important to her.

It’s like watching a snowstorm, Eve thinks. The flakes fall and you don’t realise they’re adding up until you can’t leave your house because the whole place is covered.

Villanelle is her snowstorm.

Eve remembers a moment that feels like a lifetime ago, when she told Elena she wanted to kill Villanelle and then laughs at the thought.

Right now she would kill to keep Villanelle safe.

Eve’s thoughts are cut by Villanelle’s breathing getting heavier.

“ _You should let yourself go once in a while_ ”

And then realisation hits her.

She’s-

No, she’s not.

Is she?

Of course she is.

Eve feels the muscles in the base of her stomach clench tight and she closes her eyes, trying to understand what’s happening. She knows how Villanelle feels about her. The girl has made it obvious when she said she masturbated about Eve and when she leaned in to kiss her right before Eve stabbed her. She made it clear as water when she trembled under Eve’s soft touch on her cheek and when she lowered her voice to say “I feel things when I’m with you.”

She made it transparent when she looked into Eve’s eyes and almost whispered “I’m not _with_ them when I’m with them”, the “I’m with _you_ ” left unsaid but still hitting her ears as loud as a scream.

Eve doesn’t know how or why, she doesn’t know what Villanelle sees in her but oh God, she does and that makes Eve crazy.

Crazy. Mad. Insane.

Eve doesn’t understand why she sees Villanelle the way she does either. She tries, but she can’t.

How can she look at the woman who’s murdered her best friend and still feel butterflies in her stomach, as if she was a teenager? How can she look at a bloody psychopath almost half her age and just... not care? How can she look at another woman and feel things she’s never felt before?

Villanelle makes her feel hot and wanted and beautiful and funny and carefree and just alive in a way nothing else does. In a way that _no one_ else does.

After Villanelle, Eve started wondering how it would be like to feel another woman’s body, to feel another woman’s lips against her. She’s started noticing things she didn’t before, like how good Carolyn actually looks and how Jess is nothing less than beautiful.

But in the end, it always comes back to Villanelle.

Eve doesn’t know who she is but she’s trying to figure out. What she does know is that Oksana Astankova makes her skin tingle and her insides burn. She wants to know everything about her. She wants to spend time with her and she wants to watch her and she wants-

She wants her.

One way or another.

“ _I can help you_ ”, Villanelle says and then moans and Eve can feel a heat between her legs.

Villanelle _can_ help her but Eve _won’t_ let her.

She’s too scared. A part of her is scared that in the moment she gives Villanelle what she wants, she will move on, and Eve can’t stand the thought of living a life without her, not when she’s become the first thing Eve thinks about when she wakes up and the last thing before she goes to sleep. Not when she spends most of the day wondering what she eats before she works and what shampoo she uses and what happened in her family. Not when she thinks about her eyes and her mouth and what she feels when she kills someone.

Another part of her is confused and whenever she thinks about her feelings for Villanelle it makes her want to scream and run and die. She hates it. She loves it. She doesn’t know what to do, she doesn’t know what’s right and what’s wrong anymore, she needs a sign and the universe won’t give it to her.

It’s too hard. It’s new. It’s like she’s become addicted. It’s delicious and it makes her feel wide awake but it’s gonna end up killing her.

What would her mother think? She would probably freak out.

What would her friends think? Elena would mess with her for the rest of her life. Kenny would never forgive her.

What would God think?

She’s not a religious person, she doesn’t even believe in God but if He - and it’s definitely a he because a woman would never make the world the mess it is - exists, He’s probably disappointed at how Eve failed her mission of being a good person.

“You’ll never understand how much harder is to be nice and normal and decent than it is to be like you”, she told Villanelle a couple days ago.

“Like _us_ ”, Villanelle replied and it had hit Eve like a train.

But they’re not the same. She doesn’t want to be Villanelle, she’s her own person. She’s not a cold blooded murderer. She just wants to be in control. She wants...

“ _I want you so much, Eve_ ”, Villanelle says. Eve is wet.

She’s still in the same position as before, sitting in the chair at the desk where the Mi6 computer is, and she can feel the wetness between her legs. She closes her legs but the pressure doesn’t help, it only makes it worst, so Eve spreads her legs and tilts her head back, closing her eyes. She wants to tell Villanelle to shut up. She wants to turn the device off, she wants to call the whole operation off.

“ _I’ve wanted you ever since I saw you in that hospital restroom. The way you looked at me when I told you to wear your hair down, it was_...”, and Eve doesn’t know what it was because Villanelle stops speaking and just moans.

Eve touches her hair, eyes still closed. She thinks about Villanelle’s delicate features, those eyes sort of cat-like. The way she looked at Eve when they were in bed together, and then at Eve’s lips, and then at her eyes again. Eve’s left hand starts traveling in the rhythm of Villanelle’s erratic breathing. It goes from her hair to her cheek and her lips and her neck until it stops in her chest.

“ _You know, I love your hair. It’s like the most beautiful work of art. And it’s not boring as those paintings I saw in Amsterdam_ ”.

Eve smiles.

“ _Your hair is beautiful, your eyes are beautiful and your lips are beautiful. I wish I could kiss you, Eve. I wanna kiss you all the time_.”

Eve squeezes her left breast and lets out a small moan.

“ _I know you want this as much as I do. I see the way you look at me. You look at me as if I’m the most fascinating thing you’ve ever seen. That’s how I look at you too, Eve. Why don’t you just let me kiss you_?” She sighs. “ _I would kiss you while touching your hair. I’d softly pull it and then I’d kiss your neck. I’d trace it with my tongue until I hit your collarbone. I’d hold your hips tight and slip a leg between yours_...”

Eve’s left hand is now on her stomach and she thinks about Villanelle’s scar, in that same place. She wants to see it. She wants to feel it and kiss it.

Eve lowers her hand until it hits the waistband of her pants.

She shouldn’t.

She’s had sex while thinking of Villanelle before, but this... this is too much. Listening to her is different than thinking of her.

It’s... too _real_.

“ _You’d grind down against my leg because you want to feel me. Do you want to feel me, Eve?_ ”

“Yes”, Eve replies and at this point she doesn’t even care that Villanelle can’t hear her.

 _“I think you do. I think you want to feel every inch of my body and I think you want me to feel yours. I’d kill to be able to feel you right now, Eve_.”

Eve doesn’t know if it’s the way Villanelle say it or the way she uses the word “kill”, but it sends a jolt right to her core and then the battle is lost.

Eve gives in and when she finally slides her hand between her legs, she lets out a loud moan. Her wetness slicks all over the palm of her hand and it’s so wrong but it feels so _right_.

“ _I bet you’d feel so good_ ”, Villanelle whispers. “ _You’d feel so good against my leg and my hips and my mouth. I wanna taste you, Eve_ ”.

Eve skates just one finger over her clit and sighs.

“ _I want to lick you and suck you and I want to fuck you so good, Eve. I want you to fuck yourself against my face, I want you to scratch my back and bite my neck hard, I want you to scream my name as you come inside my mouth..._ ”

Eve circles her fingers around her clit and then presses it.

“ _Fuck, baby. You taste so fucking good_ ”, Villanelle moans louder and Eve’s doing the same before she realises.

She slips her fingers through her folds and then dips two inside. It surprises her how easily she takes them.

“ _I want you to fuck me too. I want you to fucking ravish me._ ”

Her voice is husky and her accent is taking Eve to the edge.

“ _Fuck, Villanelle_ ”, Eve sucks in a breath, fucking herself. “Fuck.”

“ _Fuck me, baby. Fuck me like you own me._ ” Eve’s adds another finger and she can feel tears in her eyes.

“ _Fuck me, Eve. I’m yours._ ”

“You’re _mine_ ”, Eve whispers. She’s trembling.

“ _I’m close, Eve_ ”, Villanelle exhales. “ _I’m so_ -“, and Villanelle’s words are cut by the most delicious sound Eve has ever heard. It’s a mix of a moan and her own name and Eve bites her lip to prevent herself from screaming when she comes, her eyes shut, the image of Villanelle with her legs spread for Eve and only her flashing inside her brain.

They remain silent for what feel like ages.

Eve can hear Villanelle’s breathing going back to normal while hers does the same. When Eve is sure her legs are steady enough to stand, she gets up and takes her clothes off, throwing them on the floor. She brushes her teeth and falls on the bed, the device in her ear.

“Are you still awake?”, Eve asks and then sadly laughs when she realises Villanelle can’t hear her.

She’s so tired and her eyes are almost closing when she hears Villanelle softly whispering “ _good night, darling Eve_ ”.

Eve smiles.

“Good night, Villanelle”, she replies, listening to Villanelle’s now soft breathing.

It’s peaceful. It’s perfect.

“ _I wish you were here”_ , and it’s the last thing she hears before she finally falls asleep.

 

**Author's Note:**

> SPONSORED BY SID GENTLE AND THEN SID ROUGH
> 
> I'm @sckberry on Twitter in case you wanna see me breaking down over Killing Eve 24/7.
> 
> x


End file.
